Tag: life

The Beginning – Project Rebirth Part 1

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Photo by Jan Senderek via Unsplash

Most people hit a point where they realize they’re unhappy.

They realize that they’ve fallen into a level of complacency that has kept everything safe. That’s where I’ve been for quite some time now.

There are big goals I want, but achieving any of them requires me to break all the habits I’ve fallen into.

It’s easy to dream of the goals and put them off for “one day”, but I’ve realized that the years keep speeding by without any of them actually getting checked off.

Thus, Project Rebirth.

(On a nerd note, Project Rebirth is the name of the program that take Captain America from average citizen to superhero. It’s a good name for a transformation of any kind.)

I just want to change everything. I’m at a point where I’m either going to change everything once and for all or suck it up and stay average forever. There is no middle ground now.

The thing is, we all talk about passion. The experts write about it. We all know we “should” follow our passions, but how many of us are actually making steps each day toward those dreams?

All I want to do is start making steps toward those goals and transforming my life in the process. I’m no expert on this, but I did do this when I was 18 and left my home state and never looked back. It’s just simply time to do it again.

It’s time to leave my city.
It’s time to change my career.
It’s time to change my health.
It’s time to change everything.

I don’t have the plan yet, but this is part 1 of maybe thousands. Here’s to 2017.

Abandoning the “Should’s”

JackieLeave a comment

It’s not easy to live life on your own terms.

It’s a constant struggle between your dreams, your “rational” brain, your childhood, and all the people around you.

If you aren’t careful, eventually you’ll wake up and realize you’re living a life that you think you should be living.

You’re working at a job you “should” be working at.
You’re working for clients you think you “should” have.
You’re in a relationship you think you “should” be in.

We can keep up the appearance for a bit, but inside we know something is off. We know we’re not living out passions.

Every morning is awoken to a numb feeling. No excitement, no joy. Just another day on the hamster wheel.

When you don’t have your own goals, you start to pursue the goals other people want for you.

The other day, I came to this realization about my own life: I’m “should-ing” all over myself. (A word that has stuck with me since I read the “Don’t Should All Over Yourself article from the Art of Manliness.)

I realized that every day I was waking up to a dull monotony every single day.

Stress and worries were piling on, and I wasn’t pursuing anything worth getting up early for. I was doing everything I thought I “should” be doing.

Paying bills.
Taking any clients I could get.
Generally living a life of ease instead of excitement.

Safety is important, but never at the expense of happiness.

Here’s the truth: You can only create your dream life, it will never be handed to you.

While we work tirelessly toward all the things we think we “should” be doing, in the back of our minds we’re waiting for some magical day where we are granted a life of fulfilled passions because we’ve been so “good”.

It won’t happen.

A life of living out your passions and dreams comes from your own hard work and hustle, even if you have to wake up early and stay up late.

The secret is to always be pursuing your goals, not the goals the world wants you to pursue.

Never Postpone Happiness

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The longer you postpone the things you really want in life, the more every other area of your life will suffer.

Your job will feel that your heart isn’t in it.
Anyone you are dating or married to will feel the unhappiness radiating off of you.
Your friends will see you lying to yourself.

If you want to be miserable in life, this world will not stop you.

Actually, it will welcome your misery. So many people are miserable and you will fit right in. If you want something different, however, the world will challenge you. Particularly most of the people you know.

Miserable people don’t like people on a mission because it challenges all of the excuses they tell themselves. So, if you decide to go on a mission to create a better life, you have to mentally decide to do it for yourself regardless of what the people around you think.

The longer you postpone your deepest mission your chances of becoming happy again get smaller. You start to justify it within your mind then eventually you start to believe the excuses you tell yourself. The more believable they become to your own head, the more they start to crush the dreams in your heart.

This is also what I tell the people I know who seem to get irrationally mad at things for what seems like no reason. What is it about these things that seem to challenge deeply held beliefs you have?

One example I found within myself was when Tim Ferriss released the “4-Hour Workweek“. I was enraged and called it “stupid” and “cheating business”. Upon further examination I realized it is because the rhetoric I have told myself for years is that I must be alone, miserable, and overworked to be success. All of which were simply just excuses that I had started to believe.

I would argue that this is why people who are so unhappy with their own lives seem to hate absolutely everything because everything challenges them to the core of what they tell themselves. It challenges their excuses and their bullshit.

What personal excuses are you telling yourself that only hold you back?

Thoughts on Legacy, Tombstones, and Death

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Death is a morbid topic to think about.

But if you’re going to create a life you want, you’re going to have to think about it.

My problem at every “job” I’ve ever had is that eventually I think about “If I were to die tomorrow, would I want this to be the last thing I did with my life?”

If the answer screamed from my bones: “NO” then I put in my two week notice the next day. Sometimes I had something else lined up, sometimes I didn’t. Most people look at me like I am insane, but I’m okay with that.

Because all I can think about at any given moment is my legacy.

“Is this what I want to be remembered for?”

I’ve gotten much better at narrowing it down and sticking to certain paths as time goes on, but I still think about it all the time.

As some of you know, I am a copywriter at the moment. I love it. It feels great to help people find the right words to describe their business. I’m happy and my clients are happy.

Is it what I want to always be remembered for?

Nope.

It will be a nice addition to the list, but it won’t be the only thing. I can’t personally imagine my obituary reading, “She was great at helping other people sell things.”

I think often of F. Scott Fitzgerald, my favorite author of all time, who never personally recovered from his success of The Great Gatsby. I am not envious of his life. If you ever read about it, it is quite sad. He was a terrible alcoholic, he was plagued with insecurities, he died at the young age of 44, and his wife died in a fire in a mental hospital.

Then on the flip side, I think of Theodore Roosevelt. Not only was he a President of the United States, but he was also an explorer, soldier, author, cowboy, police commissioner, started the Rough Riders, governor, vice president, wilderness enthusiast, Harvard graduate, boxer, rower, and certified badass. At one point in his career, he was shot in the chest and still continued speaking in front of the crowd for 90 minutes. And he did all of that before the age of 60. Not to mention, he wrote and published 35 books… AND had the famous Teddy bear named after him. Just let all of that soak in for a minute.

Throughout my short 24 years so far, every now and then I get friends who ask me how to decide what they want to do with their lives. I definitely don’t have all the answers yet, but there are some things I know for sure:

1. Progression is everything.

You grow in life or you stagnate. There is no middle ground here. You’re either growing as a person, getting in shape, making money, traveling and seeing the world, or you’re just sitting still.

If you focus on continual growth, you don’t have to worry as much about a “career” or a “job”. You will continue to pursue opportunities where growth will happen. You can’t always plan a “career”, but you can focus on your values, virtues, and goals as a person which will help you spot the opportunities.

2. If you can die without doing x, y, and z, move on from it.

Sometime we get so much outside influence for how we should think that we completely lose touch with ourselves. It takes a lot of alone time to clear out the clutter, voices, and suggestions from well-meaning people.

For example:
– Since I have a writing degree and student loan debt, I always feel like pursuing anything outside of writing is a waste of $20,000.00. Then I remember that most people don’t actually stay in the degree they got in college.
– I always feel like being an entrepreneur is crazy and I should just get a job like everyone else. Then I remember that owning my own business is what I always wanted and that every single person I know in my immediate circle who talks a big game about owning their own business in a few years actually won’t. Entrepreneurship is something that courses through your veins and it isn’t something you can ignore because there is no other option.

Something I like to imagine is being 90 and asking myself, “If I don’t do this in my life, can I die happy?”

If you can die happy without owning a fancy car, then get rid of that from your goal list.
If you can die happy without becoming a manager/executive at x company, then stop pursuing it.
If you can die happy without living in another country, stop thinking you have to do that.

If you can’t imagine dying without having started your own company, start one.
If you can’t imagine dying without having children, then add that to your list.
If you can’t imagine dying without having seen Italy, then make sure you buy a plane ticket.

It might require a weekend away from TV, Internet, and other people to really think about what you want out of life. You’ll probably be shocked by how many things you don’t want in your life.

Whatever the answers are, make the plans and adjust your life accordingly. Not all of us get until we are 90, so make sure you start on a path you actually want sooner than later.

It is never too late to be happy

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Growing up is a funny thing…

When we’re all young children, we have no problem saying what is on our minds. We let everyone know what our favorite things in the wholeeeee world are. We let everyone know that broccoli is the most disgusting thing to ever exist. We get excited all of the damn time over simple things like coloring.

Then, we get older.

We fake excitement, we swallow our words when we are unhappy, and most people sure as shit do not know what your favorite things are.

(Fun test: Ask the people you think know you the best what your favorite things are… It will be a huge wake up call to how quiet you keep your passions.)

Why?

Why do we mold into what other people say is acceptable for us to like or not like?

I am at the age where many of my friends are starting to get married and have babies.

To say that some of them feel lukewarm about it would be being nice.

Why on earth do we go through with things that we aren’t balls-to-the-wall happy about?

I understand following through on a commitment that you have sworn to stick it out with, but what about those commitments we make for life, not just short-term things like internships or college?

What about those relationships we only feel lukewarm about?

What about those jobs that make us hate every week that isn’t a vacation week?

What about those friends we allow to suck us dry until we don’t have the energy to do anything productive with our own lives?

Our inner 6 year olds would never ever ever tolerate this.

Think of all the six-year olds you know: they absolutely do not do anything they don’t like to do, they know what is fun to them and they pursue it relentlessly, and they absolutely do not fake friendships… But when they are excited, they are at levels far beyond excitement, into pure ecstasy.

All this week I have been asking myself: What would my inner 6-year-old say about my life right now? What would she change?

What would the inner part of you that demands happiness and rejects joylessness say about your life right now?

Cut the cord

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There people many people in your life that will refuse to accept change.

They don’t want to see you become the amazing person you are becoming.

They want to keep you where you always were before.

Seriously, this is the best advice I can give because I am dealing with this situation in my personal life right now:

-Create new rules and conditions.

-Inform them of these new rules. Be open to opinions but don’t change for them.

-If they refuse to follow these new rules: warn them sternly once.

-The second time: it is done.

If what you are doing is a positive change, don’t listen to them. These people refuse to see you grow because they don’t have the strength to change themselves.

You got this. Pursue your own happiness.

This is 2012, say your damn opinion

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Draw a line in the sand.

Be black and white.

Know where you stand.

Don’t let other people bully you and push you around.

If someone says something rude to you, let your opinions be known about the subject.

Respect everyone until they disrespect you.

Life is too short for bullies.

Draw that line through that damn sand and let them know where you stand.

Proud about your passions

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Here is the thought going out to my readers for the next few days: Why do we still search for approval from some people even though we are adults now?

Why do we sheepishly say “Oh, here are my hopes and dreams” in a timid voice without that raw, real, confidence that we should have because, well, it’s your whole life and why shouldn’t you be able to speak confidently about it?

I have only noticed this recently within myself. Why do I still seek approval from people? Is it just in our DNA?

Why do I want people to be as excited as I am about the things I am pursuing? If they don’t give a fuck, why am I upset?

If your passion is stickers, why don’t you walk around like, “HEY I THINK STICKERS ARE AWESOME! And since I am aware of my passion, I make sure to keep it in my life as often as possible and it makes me so damn happy.” For whatever reason we say to ourselves, “No, stickers are for kids. It’s time to grow up and get a real job.”

Fuck that.

There is nothing shameful about having a passion in any area.

Who cares if your friends approve or if your family approves… Take your passion, and be proud of it! The only thing that matters is if it makes you happy.

So the next time you unapologetically tell someone your passion, and they turn their head to the side in confusion, just smile and say, “Wow, I’m sorry you don’t have something that lights up your life the way ______ does for me,” and simply walk away.

Follow me on Twitter and let’s talk about how you are rethinking the supposed “rules” you’re supposed to be living.

The free tool to achieve your dreams

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Building a business after eight hours at your full-time job can be exhausting.

What if you came home and had an e-mail that you already received Monday morning straight into your inbox with your to-do’s for the week to get your business rolling?

And the best part is: what if it was free?

I have been working and working on some side personal products that I am releasing soon to help my incredible, awesome, readers get their businesses rolling so they can stop doing the things they hate, and have more time and more money to do the things you love. That is what life is about anyway!

Not to mention, it will be the best of the best information, articles, tips, and tricks to get your business rolling as soon as possible so you can finally build that life of freedom you have been craving.

So, for those interested: please click here to sign up for the newsletter to get free tools and tips right in your inbox when you need them the most. Also, you’ll be the first to get the free products I release and get the news about any future products right away.

I’m looking forward to chatting with and meeting all of you so we can celebrate our growth together! (I like pineapple juice and Malibu rum. Just saying.)

Feel free to ask any questions you have on my new Twitter and Facebook page where you’ll get tons of other information to get you to where you want to be!

Why it’s hard to ignore it

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First off, let me just say that finals in college are ridiculously time consuming. Whoever thought it was a good idea to pile on a heavy work load then top it off with a culmination of the ridiculous crap you learned should get kicked in the shin.

But, I digress.

I’m here to follow up on my last post. Remember the one about all the negative things people say to you?

If you haven’t read it: the summed up version is that people can be jealous bitches and don’t want you to succeed.

You know, those people.

Why are they so damn hard to get rid of? Why don’t we shrug them off when people put doubts of success in our heads? Why don’t we laugh and say, “Of course I’m going to be successful!”?

Well, for one, usually we have doubts in our heads regardless of what other people say, and we feel like they’re just confirming these. This is another matter on it’s own. Just know that putting something in your life that makes you happy is never wrong.

Unless you like killing things or something weird. Those are no-no’s.

But here’s some real honest truth about what usually is the problem: these are usually people we know, trust, and most importantly, love. We value their opinion. We come to them with most of our thoughts and they give us their honest opinion.

Here’s the killer though: when you’re pursuing your passion and they have nothing in their life they are excited about, most of the time they will belittle your dream no matter how much they love you. They’re speaking out of total fear and disappointment about their own lives, but they project it on you.

They basically say “Oh I failed at all of my dreams and here’s why you for sure will, too.”

This is my favorite line from Jeffrey Gitomer: “People will rain on your parade because they have no parade of your own.”

Here’s what you do: You have to protect those dreams. The ones you keep so deep in your heart and mean everything to you. Protect these like babies. But, if you’re trying to figure out if someone truly supports you or not: make a dream up.

Pretend that you want to do something outside of your usual routine. Maybe pretend you want to take up yoga or painting or professional rollerblading; just make up something.

Here is the pass or fail test: Let’s say you picked yoga as your pretend dream, if they say something like “Oh, I hear yoga is really hard”/”Yoga is expensive”/”That’s for people from LA”, THEY ARE TOXIC TO YOUR DREAMS! They are trying to word vomit their excuses for life all over you. Don’t tell these people your big dreams. Wait until you’re already successful then be like “Oh, yeah, I started that months ago and I already am doing pretty damn good at this.”

But if they say something like: “Oh! I have a friend who is a yogi, let me get your her number”/”There’s free yoga at x place on Fridays”/”I’d love to try it, too!” These people are priceless. They love you and they support you and they want you to be happy.

Sometimes the ones who try to crush your dreams are truly worried you’ll fail and will tell you that. But here’s the thing: someone who really loves you will let you pursue your dreams and if it doesn’t work out, they’ll let you sleep in their spare bedroom and still tell you it was worth pursuing.

And here’s the real deal: it IS worth pursuing.

Protect it like a baby from everyone if necessary, feed it, love it, support it, nurture it, and I promise you it will grow into something bigger and more incredible than you could ever imagine.