We’ve all heard the quote about “You’re the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with,” and while it’s a great idea, sometimes it’s hard.
When some people hear this idea, they get upset. They think this means they have to ditch all their friends and be alone until they only are surrounded by “winners”.
That’s one side, and then the alternative is the importance of surrounding yourself with people who lift them up.
This article is for that second group of people.
Look, I understand hanging out with friends who you have a history with.
I also understand how exhausting some people are. There is a huge difference between someone going through a hard time and someone who complains about everything.
There’s nothing wrong with evaluating the people you spend the most time around to see if they’re contributing to your life or taking away.
The biggest question is to ask yourself if you feel better or worse after talking to someone on a regular basis.
It’s amazing how over the years I’ve become more and more sensitive to this issue. Once I graduated high school and college, I wasn’t forced to be around people I didn’t enjoy being around. I work for myself so I get to dictate who I interact with on a daily basis.
Some people don’t get that luxury. They have coworkers they have to deal with who are constant energy drains.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of you and your friend traveling down different life paths. You’re on different journies and although you had a solid friendship for a long time, it doesn’t mean you have to force a friendship that no longer fits.
It’s up to you if you want to have a harsh conversation with your friends or you just want to start putting some distance between you both.
This article from Ramit is incredible for some steps on building the foundation for new friendships. (Yes, it’s possible to build friendships as an adult.)
Before you decide who you want to surround yourself with, you need to decide what you need from your friends.
There are always things we need from a friendship, and if you don’t know what you need, you can’t find it.
I’m one of those people who just needs positivity. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day struggles of life, but to talk to people who know you’re gonna pull out of it are so important for my mental state.
Sure, there are always things happening in the world, and there is a time and a place to consume the news, but people who just incessantly talk about what’s wrong in the world can be tough to be around.
If your friendships energize you and lift you up, you’re one of the lucky ones. Send your friends a text right now and thank them for being great. If not, maybe it’s time to take a look around at your social circle.