Tag: rethink the rulebook

Never Postpone Happiness

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The longer you postpone the things you really want in life, the more every other area of your life will suffer.

Your job will feel that your heart isn’t in it.
Anyone you are dating or married to will feel the unhappiness radiating off of you.
Your friends will see you lying to yourself.

If you want to be miserable in life, this world will not stop you.

Actually, it will welcome your misery. So many people are miserable and you will fit right in. If you want something different, however, the world will challenge you. Particularly most of the people you know.

Miserable people don’t like people on a mission because it challenges all of the excuses they tell themselves. So, if you decide to go on a mission to create a better life, you have to mentally decide to do it for yourself regardless of what the people around you think.

The longer you postpone your deepest mission your chances of becoming happy again get smaller. You start to justify it within your mind then eventually you start to believe the excuses you tell yourself. The more believable they become to your own head, the more they start to crush the dreams in your heart.

This is also what I tell the people I know who seem to get irrationally mad at things for what seems like no reason. What is it about these things that seem to challenge deeply held beliefs you have?

One example I found within myself was when Tim Ferriss released the “4-Hour Workweek“. I was enraged and called it “stupid” and “cheating business”. Upon further examination I realized it is because the rhetoric I have told myself for years is that I must be alone, miserable, and overworked to be success. All of which were simply just excuses that I had started to believe.

I would argue that this is why people who are so unhappy with their own lives seem to hate absolutely everything because everything challenges them to the core of what they tell themselves. It challenges their excuses and their bullshit.

What personal excuses are you telling yourself that only hold you back?

Thoughts on Legacy, Tombstones, and Death

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Death is a morbid topic to think about.

But if you’re going to create a life you want, you’re going to have to think about it.

My problem at every “job” I’ve ever had is that eventually I think about “If I were to die tomorrow, would I want this to be the last thing I did with my life?”

If the answer screamed from my bones: “NO” then I put in my two week notice the next day. Sometimes I had something else lined up, sometimes I didn’t. Most people look at me like I am insane, but I’m okay with that.

Because all I can think about at any given moment is my legacy.

“Is this what I want to be remembered for?”

I’ve gotten much better at narrowing it down and sticking to certain paths as time goes on, but I still think about it all the time.

As some of you know, I am a copywriter at the moment. I love it. It feels great to help people find the right words to describe their business. I’m happy and my clients are happy.

Is it what I want to always be remembered for?

Nope.

It will be a nice addition to the list, but it won’t be the only thing. I can’t personally imagine my obituary reading, “She was great at helping other people sell things.”

I think often of F. Scott Fitzgerald, my favorite author of all time, who never personally recovered from his success of The Great Gatsby. I am not envious of his life. If you ever read about it, it is quite sad. He was a terrible alcoholic, he was plagued with insecurities, he died at the young age of 44, and his wife died in a fire in a mental hospital.

Then on the flip side, I think of Theodore Roosevelt. Not only was he a President of the United States, but he was also an explorer, soldier, author, cowboy, police commissioner, started the Rough Riders, governor, vice president, wilderness enthusiast, Harvard graduate, boxer, rower, and certified badass. At one point in his career, he was shot in the chest and still continued speaking in front of the crowd for 90 minutes. And he did all of that before the age of 60. Not to mention, he wrote and published 35 books… AND had the famous Teddy bear named after him. Just let all of that soak in for a minute.

Throughout my short 24 years so far, every now and then I get friends who ask me how to decide what they want to do with their lives. I definitely don’t have all the answers yet, but there are some things I know for sure:

1. Progression is everything.

You grow in life or you stagnate. There is no middle ground here. You’re either growing as a person, getting in shape, making money, traveling and seeing the world, or you’re just sitting still.

If you focus on continual growth, you don’t have to worry as much about a “career” or a “job”. You will continue to pursue opportunities where growth will happen. You can’t always plan a “career”, but you can focus on your values, virtues, and goals as a person which will help you spot the opportunities.

2. If you can die without doing x, y, and z, move on from it.

Sometime we get so much outside influence for how we should think that we completely lose touch with ourselves. It takes a lot of alone time to clear out the clutter, voices, and suggestions from well-meaning people.

For example:
– Since I have a writing degree and student loan debt, I always feel like pursuing anything outside of writing is a waste of $20,000.00. Then I remember that most people don’t actually stay in the degree they got in college.
– I always feel like being an entrepreneur is crazy and I should just get a job like everyone else. Then I remember that owning my own business is what I always wanted and that every single person I know in my immediate circle who talks a big game about owning their own business in a few years actually won’t. Entrepreneurship is something that courses through your veins and it isn’t something you can ignore because there is no other option.

Something I like to imagine is being 90 and asking myself, “If I don’t do this in my life, can I die happy?”

If you can die happy without owning a fancy car, then get rid of that from your goal list.
If you can die happy without becoming a manager/executive at x company, then stop pursuing it.
If you can die happy without living in another country, stop thinking you have to do that.

If you can’t imagine dying without having started your own company, start one.
If you can’t imagine dying without having children, then add that to your list.
If you can’t imagine dying without having seen Italy, then make sure you buy a plane ticket.

It might require a weekend away from TV, Internet, and other people to really think about what you want out of life. You’ll probably be shocked by how many things you don’t want in your life.

Whatever the answers are, make the plans and adjust your life accordingly. Not all of us get until we are 90, so make sure you start on a path you actually want sooner than later.

Stop Making Decisions Out Of Fear

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You know what brings out the worst in people?

Fear.

Within the last two weeks I have been apartment hunting. There is nothing like a possible chance of being homeless in the future to bring out the fear in you.

Obviously I won’t wind up homeless… but that’s the thing about fear, nothing about it is rational.

Fear convinces us to:

– Stay in that shitty relationship
– Stay at that shitty job
– Take that shitty job
– Take that shitty apartment
– Not pursue our dreams… because what if we fail?

Fear convinces us to do the stupidest things. Reflect back on your life for a minute. How many decisions have you made out of fear?

I know I have made hundreds. Maybe I thought I wasn’t going to get something better… maybe I didn’t think I deserved better. Whatever it was, the fear in my head convinced me that I had to settle for less for some unknown, illogical factor.

Sure, fear keeps us from doing stupid things. That’s why it’s in our brain. But there are simple things like moving toward our dreams where it says, “HEY WHOA I DON’T KNOW THIS TERRITORY AND BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW IT, I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN.”

It takes a long time to recognize when your brain is trying to self-sabotage you.

This past week I almost signed two leases that my rational brain would never sign because I was afraid that I wouldn’t find anything better.

And what kind of agreement is that? I’d only be miserable and bitter every day that I was in those apartments. Seriously it was literally as close as, “Here’s the paper. Sign at the bottom.” And I heard that echo in my brain, I was like, “Oh shit… I hate this. I hate this apartment. Get me out of here.”

When you feel that little tingle of intuition that is overriding your fear, it is important to stop and wonder why you feel that way. If you suppress it, the fear will gladly take over. It will gladly say, “Let’s just settle with this.”

You can’t let the fear win.

This week, try and take notice of when your fear is taking over and think, “No! I am in control of my life. I am in control of my destiny. I AM going to achieve my dreams. I am making my own rules for life.”

This is what we’re all about here: Rethinking the Rulebook.

Define your own life. Make your own legacy.

Cut the cord

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There people many people in your life that will refuse to accept change.

They don’t want to see you become the amazing person you are becoming.

They want to keep you where you always were before.

Seriously, this is the best advice I can give because I am dealing with this situation in my personal life right now:

-Create new rules and conditions.

-Inform them of these new rules. Be open to opinions but don’t change for them.

-If they refuse to follow these new rules: warn them sternly once.

-The second time: it is done.

If what you are doing is a positive change, don’t listen to them. These people refuse to see you grow because they don’t have the strength to change themselves.

You got this. Pursue your own happiness.

Go to your limit

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When was the last time you went 110% toward a goal you had?

I was thinking about this the other day, really really examining my past and thinking about why I wasn’t as far as I wish I could be (ah, the life of a perfectionist). So, I asked myself when was the last time that I committed so deeply to a goal that I couldn’t even imagine not achieving it.

Honestly, I couldn’t remember. It had been years.

Everything I had pursued, I had reservations. Whether what I was pursuing was working or failing, I still had reservations and there was always that minor reservation hanging in the back of my mind.

Think about what would happen if you fully committed yourself to something you really want?

Maybe you’ll fail. So what? The world truly won’t end. It will feel that way at the time, but when you look back on that failure years later, you’ll be grateful it happened because either you’ll learn something from it, or you’ll know you were never meant to go in that direction.

Here’s the thing though: If you went 110%, I would bet you anything that you actually wouldn’t fail.

The few things I deemed important enough to give it my all, I either succeeded or something so much better came along in the process of working toward it.

So many people get started on the path toward a goal. You go out and buy the planner. You make the whole plan. You make the day by day plans to get there.

Then it’s time to execute.

One day goes by where you miss your to-do’s. Usually this is enough to knock people off course.

Then the plan is made again.

Repeat.

I’ve learned that it’s better to do 30 minutes a day (which anyone can fit it) of focused work toward a goal than short day-long bursts every few weeks.

What can you do for those 30 minutes today?

This is 2012, say your damn opinion

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Draw a line in the sand.

Be black and white.

Know where you stand.

Don’t let other people bully you and push you around.

If someone says something rude to you, let your opinions be known about the subject.

Respect everyone until they disrespect you.

Life is too short for bullies.

Draw that line through that damn sand and let them know where you stand.

Stop sacrificing your happiness and passions

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We are all far too stressed out, overwhelmed, and frankly too damn busy trying to keep everyone else happy.

Sometimes these things start out small, we start dating someone who has different interests than our own and we grow to love the things they love while sacrificing what we love.

Us women especially have this issue: we love keeping everyone else happy and sometimes forget that we deserve to be on the top of our own list. If we keep ourselves happy, we do a much better job at keeping everyone else happy, too.

I have noticed this within my own life; I get really snippy and I get mad at everyone else for the littlest things when all it means is that I’m not putting myself at the top of my own list.

Here was a little bomb of wisdom from one of my closest friends, “How is anyone else supposed to respect the things you love to do if you don’t make them even aware of them in the first place?”

Boom.

Let’s say you love going to the gym, and you decide to start working out again. You decide to go to the gym tonight right after work at 5:00. You are on your way out the door of work and your husband calls you with plans he made. You get instantly upset and want to cry and are bitter the rest of the night because he didn’t put your desires first.

But, here’s the thing, if you don’t openly and wildly declare, “I AM GOING TO THE GYM AT 5 TODAY AND UNLESS YOU ARE DYING, THESE PLANS ARE NOT TO BE CHANGED!” How the hell is anyone supposed to know these plans you have?

(Side note: If you do declare this, and people still piss on your plans, rethink these people in your life… This is a quick way to know who is supportive in your life and who isn’t.)

So, today, try to make your friends and family aware of the things you love and when you’re going to start bringing them back into your life. Sometimes they’ll even want to join you! But if you get some negative feedback, read my other post and maybe it’s time to find new people in your life.

At the very least, the internet is a great place to make new friends who have similar hobbies as you. I don’t know what I’d do without the support of my fitness friends I have met through the internet. Plus, this blog is all about Rethinking the Rulebook and thinking outside of the traditional norms out there.

Get out your planner, mark in the time TODAY to do something you love, then tell everyone who could interfere with this plan what you’re going to do.

Watch out world, you’re coming through.

The worst ones we hear

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“Be realistic.”
“Why don’t you get a real job?”
“Well, that’s just how life is.”

Who hasn’t heard these before? Especially when you’re chasing your dreams.

The funny thing is, if you hate your job and complain about it all the time, you will never hear these statements.

Just know, if you’re hearing these statements or telling these thoughts to yourself, you’re doing something right.