Tag: passion

Never Postpone Happiness

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The longer you postpone the things you really want in life, the more every other area of your life will suffer.

Your job will feel that your heart isn’t in it.
Anyone you are dating or married to will feel the unhappiness radiating off of you.
Your friends will see you lying to yourself.

If you want to be miserable in life, this world will not stop you.

Actually, it will welcome your misery. So many people are miserable and you will fit right in. If you want something different, however, the world will challenge you. Particularly most of the people you know.

Miserable people don’t like people on a mission because it challenges all of the excuses they tell themselves. So, if you decide to go on a mission to create a better life, you have to mentally decide to do it for yourself regardless of what the people around you think.

The longer you postpone your deepest mission your chances of becoming happy again get smaller. You start to justify it within your mind then eventually you start to believe the excuses you tell yourself. The more believable they become to your own head, the more they start to crush the dreams in your heart.

This is also what I tell the people I know who seem to get irrationally mad at things for what seems like no reason. What is it about these things that seem to challenge deeply held beliefs you have?

One example I found within myself was when Tim Ferriss released the “4-Hour Workweek“. I was enraged and called it “stupid” and “cheating business”. Upon further examination I realized it is because the rhetoric I have told myself for years is that I must be alone, miserable, and overworked to be success. All of which were simply just excuses that I had started to believe.

I would argue that this is why people who are so unhappy with their own lives seem to hate absolutely everything because everything challenges them to the core of what they tell themselves. It challenges their excuses and their bullshit.

What personal excuses are you telling yourself that only hold you back?

Thoughts on Legacy, Tombstones, and Death

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Death is a morbid topic to think about.

But if you’re going to create a life you want, you’re going to have to think about it.

My problem at every “job” I’ve ever had is that eventually I think about “If I were to die tomorrow, would I want this to be the last thing I did with my life?”

If the answer screamed from my bones: “NO” then I put in my two week notice the next day. Sometimes I had something else lined up, sometimes I didn’t. Most people look at me like I am insane, but I’m okay with that.

Because all I can think about at any given moment is my legacy.

“Is this what I want to be remembered for?”

I’ve gotten much better at narrowing it down and sticking to certain paths as time goes on, but I still think about it all the time.

As some of you know, I am a copywriter at the moment. I love it. It feels great to help people find the right words to describe their business. I’m happy and my clients are happy.

Is it what I want to always be remembered for?

Nope.

It will be a nice addition to the list, but it won’t be the only thing. I can’t personally imagine my obituary reading, “She was great at helping other people sell things.”

I think often of F. Scott Fitzgerald, my favorite author of all time, who never personally recovered from his success of The Great Gatsby. I am not envious of his life. If you ever read about it, it is quite sad. He was a terrible alcoholic, he was plagued with insecurities, he died at the young age of 44, and his wife died in a fire in a mental hospital.

Then on the flip side, I think of Theodore Roosevelt. Not only was he a President of the United States, but he was also an explorer, soldier, author, cowboy, police commissioner, started the Rough Riders, governor, vice president, wilderness enthusiast, Harvard graduate, boxer, rower, and certified badass. At one point in his career, he was shot in the chest and still continued speaking in front of the crowd for 90 minutes. And he did all of that before the age of 60. Not to mention, he wrote and published 35 books… AND had the famous Teddy bear named after him. Just let all of that soak in for a minute.

Throughout my short 24 years so far, every now and then I get friends who ask me how to decide what they want to do with their lives. I definitely don’t have all the answers yet, but there are some things I know for sure:

1. Progression is everything.

You grow in life or you stagnate. There is no middle ground here. You’re either growing as a person, getting in shape, making money, traveling and seeing the world, or you’re just sitting still.

If you focus on continual growth, you don’t have to worry as much about a “career” or a “job”. You will continue to pursue opportunities where growth will happen. You can’t always plan a “career”, but you can focus on your values, virtues, and goals as a person which will help you spot the opportunities.

2. If you can die without doing x, y, and z, move on from it.

Sometime we get so much outside influence for how we should think that we completely lose touch with ourselves. It takes a lot of alone time to clear out the clutter, voices, and suggestions from well-meaning people.

For example:
– Since I have a writing degree and student loan debt, I always feel like pursuing anything outside of writing is a waste of $20,000.00. Then I remember that most people don’t actually stay in the degree they got in college.
– I always feel like being an entrepreneur is crazy and I should just get a job like everyone else. Then I remember that owning my own business is what I always wanted and that every single person I know in my immediate circle who talks a big game about owning their own business in a few years actually won’t. Entrepreneurship is something that courses through your veins and it isn’t something you can ignore because there is no other option.

Something I like to imagine is being 90 and asking myself, “If I don’t do this in my life, can I die happy?”

If you can die happy without owning a fancy car, then get rid of that from your goal list.
If you can die happy without becoming a manager/executive at x company, then stop pursuing it.
If you can die happy without living in another country, stop thinking you have to do that.

If you can’t imagine dying without having started your own company, start one.
If you can’t imagine dying without having children, then add that to your list.
If you can’t imagine dying without having seen Italy, then make sure you buy a plane ticket.

It might require a weekend away from TV, Internet, and other people to really think about what you want out of life. You’ll probably be shocked by how many things you don’t want in your life.

Whatever the answers are, make the plans and adjust your life accordingly. Not all of us get until we are 90, so make sure you start on a path you actually want sooner than later.

Why Your Passion Is Dying

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Your side hustle is not a job.

Read that line again.

If you are spending your time what feels like “clocking in” to your side hustle, you are treating it like a job and you are going to burn out.

Your hustle isn’t something you clock into. It’s something you can’t wait to get to at the end of every working day. It’s something you don’t even have to write in your planner to get to because every day you can’t wait to get started on it.

If it is something you have to remind yourself to do, or you have at a scheduled “time” to start clocking in and out of, then you need to step back and think if it really is something you’re passionate about. If you know without a doubt that it is, then what you may be experiencing is full-blown burn out.

Burn out comes when you feel like you’re just running in circles with your business and you feel like no matter what you do, you’re not making progress.

Many business “guru’s” say to just charge through this time because you need to “work harder” and “if you want to be successful you have to be in non-stop hustle mode”!!! And while there are some truths to these in day-to-day life, but when it comes to your passion in life, if you’re feeling the candles being burnt at all ends, you need to stop.

I’m not saying stop forever and give up any dreams of being an entrepreneur. I’m saying grant yourself a weekend off to go do something else. Don’t even think about your business at all. Get outside of yourself and your problems.

Trying to figure out your problems when you’re already burning out is like trying to resist when you’re caught in a wave. The more you flail, the harder it is going to be to get out. Sometimes you just need a few days off to renew yourself.

Yes, this goes against every single success “guru” and their advice for starting entrepreneurs. They believe you should ignore every warning sign your body is trying to send you, miss every important family event, and never sleep again in order to be successful.

Here at Rethink the Rulebook, we don’t go with the “typical” advice. We know that we’re not trying to replace one job where we already don’t have enough free time with another job that makes us feel just as burned out. We realize that in the grand scheme of things, one weekend off from your hustle in a whole month isn’t going to make the whole world collapse on your business. Stepping away from your problems can bring you greater clarity in the long run.

Take a weekend off, then get back to hustling hard. It will only make things better in the long run. Plus, you only have one life, why not have a little fun?

Proud about your passions

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Here is the thought going out to my readers for the next few days: Why do we still search for approval from some people even though we are adults now?

Why do we sheepishly say “Oh, here are my hopes and dreams” in a timid voice without that raw, real, confidence that we should have because, well, it’s your whole life and why shouldn’t you be able to speak confidently about it?

I have only noticed this recently within myself. Why do I still seek approval from people? Is it just in our DNA?

Why do I want people to be as excited as I am about the things I am pursuing? If they don’t give a fuck, why am I upset?

If your passion is stickers, why don’t you walk around like, “HEY I THINK STICKERS ARE AWESOME! And since I am aware of my passion, I make sure to keep it in my life as often as possible and it makes me so damn happy.” For whatever reason we say to ourselves, “No, stickers are for kids. It’s time to grow up and get a real job.”

Fuck that.

There is nothing shameful about having a passion in any area.

Who cares if your friends approve or if your family approves… Take your passion, and be proud of it! The only thing that matters is if it makes you happy.

So the next time you unapologetically tell someone your passion, and they turn their head to the side in confusion, just smile and say, “Wow, I’m sorry you don’t have something that lights up your life the way ______ does for me,” and simply walk away.

Follow me on Twitter and let’s talk about how you are rethinking the supposed “rules” you’re supposed to be living.

Stop sacrificing your happiness and passions

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We are all far too stressed out, overwhelmed, and frankly too damn busy trying to keep everyone else happy.

Sometimes these things start out small, we start dating someone who has different interests than our own and we grow to love the things they love while sacrificing what we love.

Us women especially have this issue: we love keeping everyone else happy and sometimes forget that we deserve to be on the top of our own list. If we keep ourselves happy, we do a much better job at keeping everyone else happy, too.

I have noticed this within my own life; I get really snippy and I get mad at everyone else for the littlest things when all it means is that I’m not putting myself at the top of my own list.

Here was a little bomb of wisdom from one of my closest friends, “How is anyone else supposed to respect the things you love to do if you don’t make them even aware of them in the first place?”

Boom.

Let’s say you love going to the gym, and you decide to start working out again. You decide to go to the gym tonight right after work at 5:00. You are on your way out the door of work and your husband calls you with plans he made. You get instantly upset and want to cry and are bitter the rest of the night because he didn’t put your desires first.

But, here’s the thing, if you don’t openly and wildly declare, “I AM GOING TO THE GYM AT 5 TODAY AND UNLESS YOU ARE DYING, THESE PLANS ARE NOT TO BE CHANGED!” How the hell is anyone supposed to know these plans you have?

(Side note: If you do declare this, and people still piss on your plans, rethink these people in your life… This is a quick way to know who is supportive in your life and who isn’t.)

So, today, try to make your friends and family aware of the things you love and when you’re going to start bringing them back into your life. Sometimes they’ll even want to join you! But if you get some negative feedback, read my other post and maybe it’s time to find new people in your life.

At the very least, the internet is a great place to make new friends who have similar hobbies as you. I don’t know what I’d do without the support of my fitness friends I have met through the internet. Plus, this blog is all about Rethinking the Rulebook and thinking outside of the traditional norms out there.

Get out your planner, mark in the time TODAY to do something you love, then tell everyone who could interfere with this plan what you’re going to do.

Watch out world, you’re coming through.

Why it’s hard to ignore it

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First off, let me just say that finals in college are ridiculously time consuming. Whoever thought it was a good idea to pile on a heavy work load then top it off with a culmination of the ridiculous crap you learned should get kicked in the shin.

But, I digress.

I’m here to follow up on my last post. Remember the one about all the negative things people say to you?

If you haven’t read it: the summed up version is that people can be jealous bitches and don’t want you to succeed.

You know, those people.

Why are they so damn hard to get rid of? Why don’t we shrug them off when people put doubts of success in our heads? Why don’t we laugh and say, “Of course I’m going to be successful!”?

Well, for one, usually we have doubts in our heads regardless of what other people say, and we feel like they’re just confirming these. This is another matter on it’s own. Just know that putting something in your life that makes you happy is never wrong.

Unless you like killing things or something weird. Those are no-no’s.

But here’s some real honest truth about what usually is the problem: these are usually people we know, trust, and most importantly, love. We value their opinion. We come to them with most of our thoughts and they give us their honest opinion.

Here’s the killer though: when you’re pursuing your passion and they have nothing in their life they are excited about, most of the time they will belittle your dream no matter how much they love you. They’re speaking out of total fear and disappointment about their own lives, but they project it on you.

They basically say “Oh I failed at all of my dreams and here’s why you for sure will, too.”

This is my favorite line from Jeffrey Gitomer: “People will rain on your parade because they have no parade of your own.”

Here’s what you do: You have to protect those dreams. The ones you keep so deep in your heart and mean everything to you. Protect these like babies. But, if you’re trying to figure out if someone truly supports you or not: make a dream up.

Pretend that you want to do something outside of your usual routine. Maybe pretend you want to take up yoga or painting or professional rollerblading; just make up something.

Here is the pass or fail test: Let’s say you picked yoga as your pretend dream, if they say something like “Oh, I hear yoga is really hard”/”Yoga is expensive”/”That’s for people from LA”, THEY ARE TOXIC TO YOUR DREAMS! They are trying to word vomit their excuses for life all over you. Don’t tell these people your big dreams. Wait until you’re already successful then be like “Oh, yeah, I started that months ago and I already am doing pretty damn good at this.”

But if they say something like: “Oh! I have a friend who is a yogi, let me get your her number”/”There’s free yoga at x place on Fridays”/”I’d love to try it, too!” These people are priceless. They love you and they support you and they want you to be happy.

Sometimes the ones who try to crush your dreams are truly worried you’ll fail and will tell you that. But here’s the thing: someone who really loves you will let you pursue your dreams and if it doesn’t work out, they’ll let you sleep in their spare bedroom and still tell you it was worth pursuing.

And here’s the real deal: it IS worth pursuing.

Protect it like a baby from everyone if necessary, feed it, love it, support it, nurture it, and I promise you it will grow into something bigger and more incredible than you could ever imagine.

The worst ones we hear

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“Be realistic.”
“Why don’t you get a real job?”
“Well, that’s just how life is.”

Who hasn’t heard these before? Especially when you’re chasing your dreams.

The funny thing is, if you hate your job and complain about it all the time, you will never hear these statements.

Just know, if you’re hearing these statements or telling these thoughts to yourself, you’re doing something right.